Just one piece of wisdom I took from Gabby Bernsteins workshop in January was to “pray for the highest good” rather than always ask for what you think you want.

Talk about aha moment!

Another reminder that our minds (dominated by our ego if we are not awake to it) can easily get swept up in trying to ‘manifest’ what we perceive to lack eg: more money, more love, less weight, more clients, a better car etc…

Don’t get me wrong, this is not digging at manifesting itself; as I firmly believe we are in a constant state of manifesting and I am all for manifesting your desires! After all we are energy constantly vibrating…and these vibes manifest certain experiences, things and emotions into our lives.

The emphasis of ‘praying for the highest good’ is about surrendering your perceived power over to your true power: your higher power. I’m not referring to a God (if you do that’s cool, go for it!). What I am referring to is your true you, the higher you, the essential you. Rather than the limited one that often looks at what is lacking and attempts to fill the void.

So here I was first week into January 2015, heading into the year full of dreams and wishes, none of which centered around falling pregnant and starting our own little family. This was mostly due to the fact that my partner’s ‘stable and secure’ full time job fell through and I was about to embark upon a short term full time contract whilst also signing up to Marie Forleo’s B School and getting back into my business. My minds translation “not the right time to start a family!”

All the while, I was more intentional about praying (asking, intending, sending vibes) for the highest good for me, my loved ones and the world.

A few weeks later I was pregnant and didn’t even know it! I thought I was exhausted from the full time job that involved working with children. Little did I know, I was growing a little human being inside of me!

As the signs started to hint towards the fact I was pregnant, I entered a phase of total resistance. Every time my loving partner said “you’re so pregnant” I would stubbornly and sternly say “don’t say that, it’s NOT THE RIGHT TIME!” yep, time and time again, I would knock down any suggestion that I was actually pregnant.

Don’t get me wrong, I have always wanted to be a mother and I know deep in my heart and soul it was always a part of my destiny to be a mum. However, when you are ‘not where you thought you would be’ when you would start a family or ‘your life does not look like it was suppose to’ when you intended to start a family…well, a lot of judgment, resistance and basically fear can rise up and consume your mind!

After a few weeks of denial and resistance, it just took one episode of morning sickness to wake me up!

That evening we took a home test and instantly there were there 2 lines confirming our little baby was in fact inside of me!

Despite the fear leading up to that moment, in that moment, my life changed forever. My partner Ian and I were so excited and happy to be starting a family. Yes fear came and went but I was overjoyed to be honest.

It made me realise just how thin the line is between our true desires and our deepest fears!

I have never felt so much joy in my life as the first few weeks knowing I was pregnant. I can’t even conceive the feeling of love when the baby is actually here in physical form. While we thought we were only 6 weeks, our first scan confirmed us at 9.5 weeks! Talk about a shock but a grateful one at that.

Nothing has woken me up more than the experience of growing another human being inside of me, knowing that this little angle has chosen myself and Ian to guide them through their years here on earth.

I have so much more to share from my journey to come…we are currently 18 weeks and the bub is due early november.

We have had to make some big decisions since finding out about our bub and i’ll be sharing more of that to come also.

For now, I leave you with my experience of life gives you what you are ready for, even if you don’t quite agree to begin with!

Of course resistance, fear and judgment is a natural part of our human experience, waking up to a more conscious experience here on earth requires it.

The beauty lies in the journey, in the experience of surrender, acceptance, appreciation and joy of what is rather than what you think it should be.

I would love to hear from you. Leave your comments below of what you are currently judging or resisting in your life at the moment? and If you have, how have you moved through those feelings to making peace with what is.

Much love,
Ellena x

ps. here is a pic of our first ‘family selfie’ as Ian proudly calls it and also one of the bump @16 weeks.

family selfiebump

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