We accept the love we believe we deserve

Yep, myself.

Which is what it is all about, whether you may want to admit it or not: relationships are mirror reflections of ourselves.

Over this series of blog posts I will share my journey to love with you all on a whole new level…so who knows how many posts will be in this series, but they will be juicy, raw, funny, insightful and real (Be sure to hit the ‘follow this blog’ button on my homepage so you don’t miss out). ENJOY!

love

Blog #I:We accept the love we think we deserve.

As Amir Zoghi says; “ You can’t find love, it finds you…it surfaces to you; through you”. Let that one sink in for a moment.

This is why there is a difference between;
1. Knowing deep within you that you are ready for a relationship, desiring to share your love with another and receive love from another and…

2. Needing a relationship to fulfill you and give you the love, attention, companionship and intimacy that you are not giving to yourself or are under the impression that you lack within yourself.

We also accept the love we think we deserve; which is one of my favourite movie lines from ‘The Perks of being a Wallflower’.

This is why it is always about what is going on within us; the depth of love we desire to give to another is a reflection of the level of love we have within ourselves.

Hence, falling in love with another or being in a relationship (happy or otherwise) is all about you my dear;

– What you believe you deserve;
– How much love & connection you have with and for yourself;
– Whether you are fulfilling your own love and completing yourself, or;
– Seeking love outside of you by feeling complete and whole by your partner, or;
– Attracting all the ‘wrong’ partners over and over again (this is a biggie!)

The thing about the ‘wrong’ partners is that they actually guide us to our truth more than we give them credit for.

This is what is not often mentioned, and that took me a long time to realise: by settling or having a relationship with the same ‘type’ of man or woman, over and over again (ie; repeating the same ‘mistakes’, getting cheated on by all of your partners etc), it serves us.

We protect our hearts when we go for guys (or girls) that we can rescue or rescue us, that we know we are better than and by this I mean; we settle for less; we act small, we aim small and settle for less than our truth. Why?

Because, then we will be able to leave them before they leave us, or if they do leave us, then it may hurt but we know we will be ok: because after all, they are not our ideal partner. Hence we settle for the love (or companionship to fill up the void of loneliness) we think we deserve.

The love or companionship with others is a direct reflection of our standards.

Everything we accept in our lives, for yourselves is a standard; reflecting back to us the level of love and respect we have for ourselves.

This was also the case for me without being conscious of it for years; it’s ok for someone to break my heart but if I truly became the woman I knew I was deep down and enter a relationship with a man I truly desired to be with…and if that does not work out…then what? Of all things, I couldn’t survive a broken heart from my soul mate, right? This strategy kept me under the illusion of ‘safety’ and ‘no more broken hearts’ for years, ie; I settled, my relationships reflected the level I was willing to love myself.

Hence, relationships are only ever a mirror reflection of ourselves. If you aren’t liking your man (or woman), there is something you aren’t liking about yourself. This could be many things, including; the fact that you are still with them, or putting up with the way they treat you or with the lack of romance or intimacy).

FYI- we teach people how to treat us by the standards we have for ourselves.

Ultimately, love is the relationship we have with ourselves and the beautiful thing about romantic and intimate partnerships in our life is that we get to experience our own love on the deepest level possible; by giving it to another, sharing it and receiving love from another; all in the form of complimenting each other and not completing each other.

lena flowers
{This is a pic of me my H man took when he gave me flowers for our 3 Month Anniversary a few weeks ago. I have never had such a romantic, loving and attentive partner…it is so much fun, hint hint; the inner work is so worth it! You will never regret the love you accept, only the love you are possibly neglecting}

With love and light,
Ellena

ps. If you have any questions or comments about this topic, I would love to hear from you. How have your journeyed deeper into a loving relationship with yourself? Have you noticed the more you love yourself, the higher standards you give yourself; the higher quality of people show up in your life?

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