My wake-up call to love and acceptance.
I am whole.
I am love.
This is the truth of all of us.
YOU ARE LOVE.
I have taken a step back from writing in the last few weeks, as I have softened into a deeper connection with myself and I didn’t feel called to write online. Now I know why, this story was meant to be told in this way…this may be a long one but it’s the truth of my heart and I am no longer apologising for this or limiting myself to be someone ‘I think I need to be or should be’. This is just me.
I have had so many shifts in the past few weeks.
They say a miracle is a shift in perception. Amen. I am one grateful woman, many miracles have been presented to me lately. I say presented, because often we (and I used to and sometimes still do) resist the calling of our heart, of our truth and we remain tight as a bud in the realm of our ego.
I’m still not sure whether we are love and ego is not a part of us. Perhaps, we are whole and our love denotes the ability for us to accept ALL of ourselves, including our fears, our ego.
All I know is that LOVE is why we are here. To unlearn from the fear based thinking and return to the love within us, to say thank you for your contributions Ms/Mr Ego, I am choosing to be love and therefore not be ruled by your fear based agenda to keep me tight, wound up, in lacking and scarcity thinking; which is all designed to protect me from failing, from having a broken heart, from being rejected, from the light of success, from not belonging, from not feeling good enough. Yet, Ms Ego, your protection only serves me for so long. There comes many moments, opportunities and presentations from the universe to WAKE US UP, to REMIND (re-mind) ourselves that we are INFINITE, LIMITLESS, WHOLEHEARTED, LOVING, ABUNDANT BEINGS having a temporary human physical experience.
Don’t get me wrong, I am loving this physical experience. The joys of dancing, of making love, of creating, of connecting, of feeling the essence of love, connection and service in various ways.
One of my biggest wake up calls was a lump that formed in my left thigh. I noticed it almost 6 years ago, in my early twenties. It was small and didn’t bother me that much at the time. Doctors all confirmed that it was nothing to worry about, either live with it or have surgery. For some reason, the young woman that I saw no logical or loving reason for surgery. I dismissed it. So I put up with it.
And like most things do…they grow. I held on tight to not being my true authentic self, I was heart-broken when an ex kissed another girl and I made all this mean…that I was unworthy, anything but feminine and I acted in ways of not respecting myself.
The lump grew, as my pain continued to be repressed deep within my heart. I started to feel extremely self-conscious and shameful. Like I was hiding a deep, dark secret, like I didn’t want to be truly seen by others.
I know see, that the little girl within me was scared, she was not feeling good enough, worthy or whole as the divine feminine being that she is.
As the lump grew, so did my ‘limited’ living. I held back from relationships, I didn’t feel sexy or attractive. It took a special man to let him see ‘ALL’ of me. I didn’t let just anyone ‘see it’. I mean this in a deeply personal way. You know, the vulnerability that you share with an intimate partner.
I know now, that I was scared to SEE the all of me, and even more than that, ACCEPT ALL of me.
This wake-up call, was not just a one off. It whispered at first, I ignored it as I was fearful, it continued to gently send me opportunities to learn and unlearn, yet I continued to hide, it began to scream at me every once and a while. Still, I hid in shame. I stopped going to yoga classes, dance classes that I have always wanted to go to, even the gym and especially in the clothing I wore…all limited to hide this part of me.
It became so loud a few weeks ago that I finally surrendered.
I surrendered to the pain that I felt in my heart, the shame I felt not showing up as my whole self (Even to you guys reading this, I felt scared to share this story, not even all of my friends know this story), I felt like I was ready to claim better for myself. To allow myself to experience LOVE within myself and take some inspired action to look into some other options.
I also learn the valuable lesson that it only had power over me, like our fears, because I let it. Once I started to share my pain, fears and tears with my friends, the tight grip it had over me started to loosen and I started to feel more empowered and WHOLE.
For so long I settled. I settled for living with the lump under the fear based mindset ‘I can’t afford private surgery’, ‘I don’t have enough money’. This has been my story for so long.
Thank god for wake up calls. I am having many lately, I am getting better at listening to the whispers of my soul and the gentle reminders from the universe to return to the love within myself.
To ask more questions, to raise my standards, to invest in myself, to surrender and be WILLING to experience a higher version of myself and this living.
As I step into the infinite being that I am (that you are too!), I soften, I surrender, I feel immense peace within, I let go of ‘having to make it all happen’ and I take whole-hearted action steps without attachment to the outcome and I am pleasantly rewarded with the magic that the universe has to offer us.
So, beautiful soul, what is the universe whispering to you at the moment?
What is it time for you to leap with and trust that the net of LOVE will catch you?
What is it is that YOU DEEPLY KNOW IN YOUR HEART that it is time to surrender to?
To love, to a better way of living, to a gentle kindness that only acceptance of your WHOLE self can give you?
You are worth it, the little child within you deserves to be respected by the adult version of themselves.
Return to the love within and your life will open up to you like never before.
I asked myself what I really, really want in my life and this is what came to me:
– I want to feel really good every single day
– I want to experience love every single day
I know things will come up, the obstacles are the path, the treasure is often waiting for us on the other side of our resistance, yet when I got clear on what makes me feel good and what is love to be, and as I continue to surrender into my own love, a world of new opportunities and possibilities flooded my heart.
This is another gentle remainder from the universe that you are LOVE. You are worthy of your dreams and desires. You are whole and perfectly imperfect just as you are in this very moment. You were given this life for a reason, listen to the whispers and your soul will always call you forth. If all else fails, the wake up calls will be sure to shake you into alignment with your truth; LOVE.
With immense love and gratitude,
Ps. I had surgery last week and the lump is removed from my physical being. I am loving the journey of gentle healing, softening into surrender and letting the wound on my thigh from anew. I now know, that once we return to love within, the manifestation of our physical world also shifts into alignment. The divine laws of the universe are designed this way, what a gift!
Pps. I am loving The 7 Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra at the moment, this guide will truly help you soften and surrender, especially for all of you who are ‘working so hard to make it happen’.
pps. I have been absorbing so much of Dr. Brene Brown’s wisdom in the power of vulnerability. Check out her books and youtube Ted talks! They will change your life!